It’s amazing what God teaches us through our children- even from the beginning. A week after one of my closest friends passed away, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. God’s timing could not have been more perfect! In the midst of tragedy He brought LIFE, and announcing the baby brought so much joy and fresh hope to all of us. We were elated, and still are, as we are awaiting little Joshua Jet’s arrival in August.
Fighting in prayer alongside my friends and contending for
our loved one’s life was a two month ordeal that left me clinging to God as I
felt confused and fearful. I started to see worry manifest in my day to day as
the baby was growing. At first, fear came to me with the lie that I might
miscarry the baby. Fear is not from God and can only bring lies (John 10:10). But
God is so faithful! As I came to him with my worries and fears, I clearly heard
him say “You will carry this baby to full
term.”
Important side note: God speaks to us so clearly! The Bible
refers to Jesus as the Word, which means it’s in His nature to talk A LOT.
(Maybe that’s where I get it from? ;)) In John 10 Jesus says that His sheep
have the inherent ability to recognize His voice, and that He gives abundant,
full life. All of that to say, God is always speaking, I can always tune in to
what He is saying, and what he is saying is always going to give me abundant
life. (Important side note ended.)
My worrying hit an all time high around the fifth or sixth
month. By that time I was enjoying feeling the baby tumble and jumble inside of
my belly. What an amazing experience! But one day, I barley noticed him moving
at all. He wasn’t super active at his normal times and I started to panic. I
called my midwife and she helped me calm down and suggested I sit for 20
minutes and only focus on feeling the baby move. So I sat in my car, cranked up
some worship music and welcomed God’s presence into my fear-filled atmosphere.
“God, what is going on in there? Is my baby ok?” I asked. I felt God speak to
my heart saying “He is healthy and as happy as a clam. Remember what I told you
at the beginning? You will carry this baby to full term!” As I let God’s words
soak into my spirit, I felt His peace and perfect love overwhelm my fears. And
of course I felt the baby nudging away at my tummy.
Through my little buddy, God has been teaching more about
what it means to be completely dependent on Him. There are things I can do to
help ensure my baby gets what he needs to be healthy such as taking vitamins,
getting check ups, etc.. But for the most part, his growth and formation are
out of my control. Growing Joshua has ingrained in my spirit my absolute need
for God. I have to hear His
truth daily to sustain my spirit. I have no other option than to rely fully on
his abundant goodness and love for me. And most of all I must, must, must be
aware of His overwhelming presence in my day to day life. That way, fearful
thoughts and worry have no room in my mind, things get a whole lot less serious,
and I get to enjoy and rest in the fullness of His joy! Because Jesus is with
me, I am an only-hopes-for-the-best, fearless child grower!
